I’m Back
"I
found myself sitting curled up in the bed, following every movement
seen through the curtains in my lit-up window. I knew my hope was
there, and the knowledge caused me excruciating pain. It was a cold
night, and once in a while it would drizzle.
I
said to myself: "I know I am a sane, well-adjusted, responsible adult.
What in the world is happening to me? Have I totally lost my mind?" And
yet, I continued sitting in for hours. A force larger than myself held
me hypnotized to the light. I have never in my life felt so close to
madness."
"Although
I knew that it was over, I still had very strong feeling towards
things. I knew that I looked like a bag lady; my nose was red from a
cold, my hair was unwashed and greasy. I think I simply went mad and
started crying uncontrollably. I’ve never cried like that in my life. I
felt I was going out of my mind."
"I
tried everything in an attempt to gain some control over it, but
nothing works. I don’t think I can live with this pain much longer."
Even when people who experience extreme jealousy have enough self
control not to resort to actual acts of violence, they often fantasize
about it. These fantasies have a way of calming me down, even if I know
I will never carry them out."
sick of this. I can’t stand myself anymore. When am I going to be
happy?" It’s not an uncommon question in therapy, yet aspirations for
happiness can sound naive or even trivial.
How could me asking
for happiness, I thought to myself. Didn’t I say that best one could
expect was a return to "common unhappiness?" Yet my yearning was
heartfelt. How could I possibly address it without being misleading?
"I’m not crazy!" What should I do?
Be
myself. People generally are smart enough to deal with me on the basis
of observed behavior and to form ongoing opinions based on that. I need
not specify whom or what. Under no circumstances should I say negative
things about Mr. Manic.
Keep
my head above the din and people will respect me for having grace under
pressure. Remember that just because someone is a jerk to me does not
require me to be a jerk in return.
- And yeah I’m back for blogging again. Thanks everyone for all your messages while I’m away
